Too Wise To Be Ignorant
Being on a self-growth journey has some unexpected realizations. The obvious ones are finding we are more patient with others and ourselves, and we are able to look at our past with forgiving eyes. No longer are we repeating the same mistakes, now we are only making new and different ones. All of these are a good thing; yes even the last one.
Before we started devouring the self-help books, courses, podcasts, seminars and listening to a mentor, we didn’t know what we didn’t know. We weren’t aware we were using our emotional responses to manipulate our situations and others. We didn’t know that our set way of responding to our kids, spouse and others was inadvertently affecting how they responded to us. The saying “Ignorance is bliss” holds such truth. As tempting as it can be to stay in our ignorance, it will do more harm in the end. It’s like a baby wanting to stay in its dependent phase forever. At first it is nice to rely solely on others, to have our every need met so we don’t have to work hard to meet it ourselves. But eventually this dependence will wear us down and stunt our own ability to truly thrive. Even worse it starts to wear down the person doing the giving. This might be our friend, our spouse, our relative, our boss or our pastor.
These people may not be aware they have crossed the fine line from helping to enabling. One thing for sure though is the feelings they are having. Perhaps the giver is still in the phase of believing they are the only one who can help and it’s their duty to step in when being called upon. Inevitably though, those once light feelings of pure giving will turn to frustration, regret and annoyance if abused. That sigh they do when the phone rings and they know whose calling with another crisis. The look their spouse gives them when they say yes to loaning some money one more time. The feeling of heaviness on their shoulders as they carry the weight of being responsible for fully capable adults.
Whether we are the giver or the taker, when we have been on a self-growth journey for some time we eventually have an ah-ha moment. It’s like a fog has lifted and now we see something so clearly. As much as we would like the fog to come back, we know that it is gone for good. When we have woken up from the dream we can’t keep trying to convince ourselves that it was real. This is when we are too wise to be ignorant. At first it will start with one thing. Like learning what the red buttons are to our spouse and not having the heart to press it even when we really want to. Before we would press it as fast as it would present itself. Now because of hours and hours of self-growth, we think of the pros and cons, the root of the red button, the exact argument that will ensue after we press it, and the deep feelings of hurt and regret we will have after it’s all said and done.
There have been many times I have shaken my head in annoyance and slight frustration when I am standing before a split second decision. No longer is the decision between ignorance and impulse, now it is between moving forward or moving backwards. Because there is only one true choice, we choose moving forwards. We do this because we have worked so hard to get to where we are and starting over is just too painful and pointless. Even though you won’t get applause from your spouse or friend for choosing the high road and it may cost you more money for choosing to live with integrity, the reward is found when you know you are growing, maturing, and getting a little wiser everyday.